Just because you work doesn’t make you a better mommy than me. And just because I stay at home doesn’t make me a better mommy than you. I wish that was all I had to say on this terrible topic, but I’m afraid I must say more. Much more.
The war between working moms and stay at home moms is raging and I’m ashamed to admit I had no idea a battle was even brewing until the other day after watching an episode of Dr. Phil. It’s not the show I wanted to watch that day. I wanted to watch an episode of Grey’s Anatomy on DVR and eat my lunch in the peace and quite I crave after a marathon morning with 2 toddlers.
What derailed my TV watching in its tracks was the verbal diarrhea being spewed between two groups on the talk show: working moms and stay at home moms. I was so embarrassed after hearing the view of mothers who stay at home. The ladies were so condescending, rude and mean to the women who work. One stay at home mom in particular was standing so high on her soap box I thought her nose might bleed, but that didn’t seem stop her from saying women who work cause permanent damage to their children. She went on to say when a mother is away from her child for more than a few hours a week, it will negatively effect her child’s personality forever. FOREVER.
Another stay at home mom said if a woman can’t stay at home with her kids, then maybe she just shouldn’t have them. She also said: “I wouldn’t outsource loving my husband, why would I outsource loving my kids?”
Seriously?!?
I am the child of a single, working mother and so are my brothers. My mother wanted us to have a home, so she worked. My mother wanted to feed us, so she worked. My mother wanted us to have clothes, so she worked. Growing up, I was inspired by my mother because she worked. I knew she worked to take care of us, not hurt us.
When the working mothers had their chance, their words were just as ridiculous. One working mom said she is a capable, creative woman who knows about more than just baby formula or after-school programs. Another woman accused her stay at home counterparts of being lazy and uninspired lumps who refuse to send their toddlers to school to learn from qualified teachers. She went on to say children of working mothers grow up to be more well rounded and more educated than those whose mothers stay home.
I am a stay at home mom. After working in the television news industry for years, I decided my job and the hours it needed was not family friendly. Since my husband could carry the financial load, the decision for me to stay at home was an easy one and I have never looked back. My boys and I spend our days reading, playing, going to parks, going to play dates, talking about colors, letters and numbers. I know they’re smart and extremely well rounded little dudes. When the boys take a nap, I cook meals, clean, and fold laundry so I don’t have to when they’re awake. Some days though, I do take a break and watch a little TV which is what sucked me into this battle in the first place.
So, if could add one weapon to the arsenal of the stay at home moms and working moms war it would be understanding. You’re not better than me because you work and I’m not better than you because I don’t. Who am I to judge what’s right for you and your family? Who are you to judge what’s right for me and my family? We’re all moms just doing the best we can with the information we have. If we don’t look out for each other, no one will.
