David:   “I mean, hot doesn’t matter when your personality sucks.”

The real reason my husband believes is behind the break up of movie stars Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson.

David:  “Can you please not eat that granola bar in bed?  The crumbs always get stuck in my back hair.”

Super Duper Important Editor’s Note:  The only way my husband would let me post this husbandism is if I explained in a quite clear and concise manner that he does not, in fact, have a tremendous amount of back hair.  There’s not a forest growing back there.  Or enough to knit his own sweater.  No, David has even less than the normal amount of back hair any normal 30 something would have.

There.  I said it.

David:  “Oh my gosh, I can’t tell you how happy I am that I found it.  I mean, I was really worried.”

The rush of relief David shared when he discovered his brown belt buried in his closet.  Just the thought of wearing his black belt with his brown shoes and his brown brief case totally freaked him out.  Totally.

David:  “Isn’t it weird that you’re closer to 40 than 30?”

The comment my husband made seconds prior to our really long conversation regarding other  inappropriate off the cuff remarks he should never say to his wife, including  isn’t it weird your butt looks big in those jeans; isn’t it weird you’re getting wrinkles on your face, and  isn’t it weird you have gray in your hair.  

Although David hasn’t actually said any of the last three phrases, yet, I thought I would just give him a little heads up.  I mean, I think it’s important  if he wants to stay married and everything.

David:  “I just thought I’d kill two birds with one stone.”

What my husband said when I caught him eating three chicken burritos and taking a bath at the same time.