It used to be fun at the end of every class waiting in line with all the other ladies soaked in sweat until she arrived, The Stamp Nazi.  She stands behind the gym desk, clutching the ladybug stamp while scouring each and every one of us who pour out of the 9:30am cycling class.  Her eyes bob back and forth snapping mental pictures of participants so when we reach the front of the line, hand her our cards, and ask her to stamp them, she knows exactly who deserves one and who doesn’t.  But apparently, her system is flawed.

“You didn’t take class today,” she squints her eyes at me and scowls.

“Yes, I did,” I say surprised.

The Stamp Nazi gives me the evil eye before yelling for the aerobic instructor who taught the morning routine, “INGRID!!!  Did she take class today?”

“Yes, she took class today,” the instructor says stifling a snicker.

“Oh.  I guess this time I’ll give you a stamp,” she grits her teeth while pushing down a little lady bug on my card.

The woman behind me, however, not so lucky.

“Can I have two ladybugs, please?  I took a class yesterday and I forget to get my card stamped,” she explains.

“Ummmm, I don’t think so,” The Stamp Nazi snaps.  “You can only receive a stamp on the day you take class.”

After asking around, I discover The Stamp Nazi is the head of the aerobics department at the club.  And apparently, her duties include hassling members out of ladybugs.

“This side of the card is full.  I can’t give you another stamp,” I overhear her scolding another member.  “I guess, you’ll have to wait until next month for more stamps.”

Let me explain:  the gym I attend has a fitness rewards program, which means members receive points for various things such as referring new members or taking an aerobics class.  After accruing an impossibly unreachable amount points, you can actually cash them in for gifts you’ll  never wear enjoy such as this tank top.

According to the club’s fitness rewards website, this tank top will cost you 1250 points.  Do you know how many points you get per ladybug stamp?  10.   That’s it.  You only get 10 points per ladybug stamp.  That means I need 125 lady bug stamps to earn that crappy awesome tank top. 

THAT’S 125 AEROBICS CLASSES!!!

Now, if I take 2 or 3 classes a day and get 2 or 3 ladybug stamps a day (which I could never do, by the way, because I would die if I worked out that much.  Literally.), I could probably earn enough points to get that tacky impressive tank top in 3 or 4 months.

But get this:  the club only allows you to turn in 20 ladybug stamps per month.  The card you hand in on the last day of every month, (because, according to The Stamp Nazi, if you turn it in on the 1st day of the following month your ladybugs no longer count) is only worth 100 points.  And that’s if you fill up your entire card.  That means it’s going to take me 12 1/2 months to get this sucky stunning tank top.

12 1/2 MONTHS!!!

I guess, I’m confused.  I mean, it was so nice and fun when the aerobics instructors who actually taught the classes stamped our cards for us.  Why does The Stamp Nazi feel the need to now stand at the desk, swing her stamp, and interrogate ladies about ladybugs?  I mean, I’ve overheard her telling members some are ‘taking advantage’ of the fitness rewards system and giving themselves an extra stamp here and there.

But seriously, who cares? 

Even if you steal a couple extra stamps every month, you’ll never earn enough for that atrocious amazing tank top.  Never.

Put the ladybug down, Stamp Nazi. Enough is enough.

Enough.  Is.  Enough.