This time of year drives David crazy. And it’s not because every one of his co-workers are begging him to buy wrapping paper, popcorn, cookies, and whatever else is in the Red Wheel Fundraising catalog so their kid can go with the school band to Disneyland this summer.
No, that doesn’t bother him at all. He just smiles, scribbles his name and address on the order form, writes a check, and voila! Two weeks later, David drives home with four tins of popcorn, three tubs of cookie dough, two rolls of wrapping paper, and a monogrammed paper weight in a pear tree.
Seriously, my entire freezer is filled with tubs of cookie dough. And I don’t even eat cookies. I mean, I want to eat cookies. But given that my metabolism seems to be slower than an old lady driving 40 miles per hour in the fast lane while applying lipstick, eating cookies is the last thing I should be doing.
What does drive David crazy this time of year: my shopping.
But seriously, when a store is offering their entire inventory at 50% off, with an additional 10% off when you use their credit card, how do you not buy yourself that pretty sweater, beaded headband, and skinny jeans while you’re in there searching for something for your mom, best friend, or sister-in-law? It’s impossible. Impossible, I say.
“I’m actually saving you money,” I smile when David asks how much of the stuff in the shopping bags is for me after a recent afternoon at the mall.
He doesn’t buy it. He just groans and says, “But you’re birthday is coming up and so is Christmas!”
I know that. Obviously. But it’s one of my little quirks he’s just going to have to deal with, just like I deal with his. I mean, when he wonders out loud how many people pee in the shower while he’s taking one himself, it’s not like I get all crazy. And I know very well what he’s doing while he’s wondering.
Which reminds me: during my next Christmas shopping excursion, I should buy myself some shower shoes.