I Have a Colossal Cranium

June 9th, 2010

I was so psyched when I heard New York milliner, Eugenia Kim, was designing a collection for Target.  I couldn’t wait to wear her straw fedoras and chic caps all summer long.  But you know what I discovered when I went to the super store to try them on?

TargetFedora

TargetStrawFedora

TargetStrawCap

My head is too big.  Literally.  It didn’t matter how I tipped, turned, or tried, I could not stuff my colossal cranium into a single one of them. 

I’ll never wonder why again when the doctor tells me my boys fall into the 95% on the growth chart when it comes to their head circumference.

I’d Rather Break a Finger than Sell a House

June 7th, 2010

I was cheering at a high school basketball game when I broke it, my finger.  I crushed it under my hand doing a backhand spring while trying to impress my point guard boyfriend. When I heard it pop, I could barely believe it.  I mean, somersaults were my specialty.  I’d been doing them daily since I was 8 years old.  After seeing me stand on my head day, after day, after day, watching reruns of Mork and Mindy, my mom decided her third grader’s time would be better spent in gymnastics class.

It was.

I freaked when I landed my somersault and saw my right ring finger hanging from my hand. I searched the stands for my mom.  And when I spotted her, I told her I needed an x-ray, STAT.  She agreed.  And neither of us were surprised when the ER doctor said my finger was fractured.

For the next 4 weeks, I was in so much pain, I could barely sleep, eat, or drink. My damaged digit was so swollen, bruised, and busted I couldn’t write, hold a fork, or carry a backpack.  And one time, when I dropped my fractured finger below my heart, the throbbing was so intense, I fainted. 

And I’m not a fainter.

Well, maybe I’m a fainter.

I was 12 years old the first time I fainted.  I slammed my head on concrete so hard when I passed out, I gave myself a concussion.  That whole episode really freaked out my parents.  And that’s such a bonus when you’re a preteen.  So, in the name of full blog disclosure, I’ve actually fainted twice in my life. 

Does that make me a fainter?  Discuss amongst yourselves.

While I may or may not be a fainter, I know I’m not a whiner.  I’ve had a few other experiences with physical pain in my life to compare the pain of my broken finger to, such as severe food poisoning, child birth and a kidney stone. 

That kidney stone was no joke, either.  I was 6 months pregnant with Reichen when that pesky pebble covered in spikes took its sweet time meandering its way down a tube inside me the size of a human hair.  I was in the hospital for two days waiting for that bad boy to pass.  It was brutal.

I.  Know.  Pain.

So trust me when I say, I would rather break my finger, have food poisoning, pass a kidney stone, and give birth all in the same day rather than sell our home.  Having our house on the market has been the most painful thing I’ve ever done.

For example, last week, a realtor called and asked if she could show our house from 8:00am - 10:30am.  I said yes.  I got the boys up early, packed them in the car and took them to the gym to hang out while I worked out. 

No big deal.

At 10:00am, the realtor called and said they were running late.  Could she bring her buyers over between 10:30am and 1:00pm.  I said yes.  I picked the boys up from the gym daycare, popped them in the car, and we went to the mall to play and eat lunch.

No big deal.

At 12:30pm, the realtor called and said their car broke down.  Could she bring her buyers over between 1:30pm and 3:30pm?  I freaked.  I told her I’ve had two toddlers out of the house since 7:30am.  Both of them still take naps and they needed one.  Bad. 

She was so annoyed with me. 

Big.  Deal.

She said she could give my boys one hour to nap, but if I wanted to show my house, that’s all the time she could give me since her buyers were on a schedule. 

Oh, really?  The one where she was supposed to be at my house at 8:00 in the morning, not 3:00 in the afternoon?  That schedule? 

I said yes.

My boys usually nap for a couple hours every afternoon.  That afternoon, I woke them up after one hour, packed them up, and drove them to the park to play. 

The realtor was supposed to show our house from 3:30 pm – 4:30 pm.   At 4:00 pm, the realtor called and said she now needed until 5:00 pm. 

Seriously?

Seriously.

Normally, I would have shut this whole fiasco down.  Under usual circumstances, there’s no way I would have let this realtor push me and my boys around like she did.

But we have not had a showing in weeks. 

Did you know a house in our price range, in our area, sits on the market on average for 20 months?  20 months!  So when we get a showing, we have to take it.  So guess what?

I said yes.

And after all of that, we get feedback at 6:00pm from the realtor saying her buyers didn’t like our back yard.

And that was that.

So, you ask, would you really rather break a finger than sell a house? 

Yes.

Yes, I would.

If Ya Can’t Swim With ‘em, Wear ‘em

June 4th, 2010

There is something so sweet about these starfish earrings from Stella & Dot

starfish

I mean, if ya can’t swim with ‘em, wear ‘em.  That’s what I always say.

Toddler Talk

June 4th, 2010

Reichen:  “Mommy, I need to get a lot bigger before I get huge.”

Me:  “You’re right, buddy.  You need to get a lot bigger before you get huge.”

Reichen:  “Oh, because I really want to be huge; So, I’m going to work on being really big.”

Me:  “Okay, buddy.  Sounds good to me.”

Who Am I To Take Away Amazing?

June 2nd, 2010

He wears his helmet every day whether he rides his tricycle or not, my 3 year old son.  His favorite place to wear it:  the car. 

And I let him.  

He laughs and says he feels amazing when he wears the protective piece.  And I agree.

Because who am I to take away amazing?

But one day, he’ll change his mind.  Some one will see him and say his helmet is not amazing. 

And he’ll believe them.

I dread that day.  I wish I could protect my son’s spirit from what society says is and is not amazing. 

Until then, I’ll sneak peeks of his sweet face from my rear view mirror.  And laugh with him when his happy helmet giggles bubble from his belly and spill all over his brother and me.

And that’s amazing.

ReichenHelmet

Husbandism #17

June 2nd, 2010

David:  “We don’t eat our boogers, Reichen.  We wipe them on our shirts.”

My husband teaching our 3 year old his version of proper nose picking procedures.

 

I’m Dreaming of a White Kitchen

June 1st, 2010

We have yet to sell this house, but that doesn’t stop me from envisioning our next one.  And these pictures have me dreaming of a white kitchen.

kitchen7

kitchen8

kitchen5

kitchen2

 

Keeping Your Eyes on the Road is so Overrated.

May 27th, 2010

Keeping your eyes on the road with both hands on the wheel is so overrated.

LathamCar

ReichenCar

Especially when there are two toddlers in the back laughing and saying, “Look at me, Mommy!  Look at me, Mommy!”

Toddler Talk

May 26th, 2010

Reichen:  “Mommy!  Mommy!  That lady is squeezing my brother!  HEY LADY!!!  STOP SQUEEZING MY BROTHER!!!”

What my 3 year old screamed at the nurse while she gave Latham his 2 year old immunizations today.

Sometimes, When You Sleep, You Scream.

May 24th, 2010

Sometimes, when you sleep, you scream.

The sound rips me awake. 

And I run. 

 To you.

You’re soaked in sweat.  Crumpled in covers.  And tears fall from your lids.

You’re asleep.

The only sound from your struggle has been stifled in slumber.

The thick, groggy, haze holds you hostage.

And I hate it.

So, I whisper.

You’re safe.  You’re loved.  You’re wanted.

You’re kind.  You’re funny.  You’re smart.

You’re handsome.  You’re sweet.  You’re special.

You never need to have another nightmare again.

But if you do.

Scream.

And I’ll run.

To you.

 ReichenNightmare

Best. Garage. Sale. Ever.

May 23rd, 2010

You know what makes sorting all your crap, pricing it, and sweating for hours to hock it totally worth it:  watching two women fight over it.

Best.  Garage.  Sale.  Ever.

Toddler Talk

May 20th, 2010

Reichen:  “Mommy?”

Me:  “Yes, baby?”

Reichen:  “Never flush me down the stool.”

Me:  “Okay.  I’ll never flush you down the stool.”

Reichen:  “I would be really scared if you flushed me down the stool.”

Me:  “Don’t worry, I’ll never flush you down the stool.”

Reichen:  “Promise?”

Me:  “Promise.”

Yes, Please.

May 19th, 2010

kenziesunglasses

If You Like It Then You Better Run Some Floss Through It

May 18th, 2010

I’m not much of a flosser.  I never have been.  I mean, it’s not that I don’t just adore the idea of stringing my fingers with floss, shoving it in my mouth and meticulously sawing out each piece of left over lettuce from lunch, because I totally do.  Totally.  But let’s be honest:  I can’t. 

Literally.

This so, by the way, falls into the category of stuff you do not want to know about me but I’m going to tell you anyway, so never say I didn’t warn you:  I’m a gagger.  I always have been.  In fact, just writing about gagging makes me gag.  I gag all day, every day.  And my already super sensitive reflex has gotten even more acute with the birth of my boys.  I mean, I had no idea the volume of  bodily fluids two toddlers could create. 

GAG.

So unless a shell from a piece of popcorn has lived in my gums for so long it’s actually applied for a working visa and thrown out a welcome mat, there is no way I’m going in after it with my fingers wrapped in wax.  No way.

The no flossing philosophy has worked quite well for me over the years that is, until the other day when I popped by the dentist office for my  bi-annual teeth cleaning.  The conversation went downhill pretty quickly after we exchanged greetings.

Me:  “I think I need to bleach my teeth since I have this little yellow spot between my two front teeth.”

Hygienist:  “Let me take a look.”

This is the part where I gag as she shoves her gloved fingers in my mouth.

Hygienist:  “Hmmm…  you don’t need bleach, that’s just tartar.”

Me:  “That’s tartar?”

Hygienist:  “Yup.  I’ll just scrape it out when I clean your teeth.”

Me:  “What?”

Now I’m gagging because I’m grossed out.  I told you I was super sensitive.

Hygienist:  “Yeah, it’s tartar build up.  I take it you don’t floss?  Flossing helps prevent tartar build up.”

One minute and several scrapes later, she holds up the hand mirror.

Hygienist:  “See?  The yellow spot between your teeth is gone.”

GAG.

As she was packing my dental goody bag with paste, brushes, and a reminder card for my next appointment, the hygienist asks if I want to try a new type of floss instead of the traditional stuff.  I say ‘sure’ but don’t give it another thought, until tonight when a piece of chicken holds my molar hostage.  I scour the contents of the goody bag for the floss and discover this instead:

floss

Have you seen this floss on a sick thingy?  This little tool is AMAZING.  It’s so easy to use and didn’t make me gag once.  Not once.  Who knows, with the help of this do-hicky, maybe I’ll become a flosser after all. 

Now, if someone could only invent a handy, dandy tool to take care of all my boys’ bodily fluids.

GAG.

Clutching Cars

May 16th, 2010

When you’re tired, you yawn, and start rubbing your eyes

And what you ask me to get you still makes me surprised.

 

“My Ramones,” you demand as soon as you lay down

And you toss, and you turn until they are found.

 

So we scour the house, your dad, brother, and me

We search for your Cars from the Disney movie.

 

It’s not Doc, Flo, or Mac; not even Lightening

It’s the low rider you crave, the cool ’59 Chevy.

 

“We found them,” I yell as we all bound up the stairs

I plop them in your palm which relieves your despair.

 

I kiss you goodnight and you smile at me sweetly

You grab your two cars and roll over completely.

 

I check on you later, with mouth open you’re snoring

On your belly you lie and it’s cars you’re still holding.

 

You think they are amazing and you love them so much

You’re my sweet little boy who sleeps with cars in his clutch.

 

LathamandhisCars

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