Archive for the ‘husbandisms’ Category

Husbandism #24

Tuesday, September 7th, 2010

David:  “Since you’re always wondering what the boys and I do when you’re running errands, I recorded it.”

p.s.  Make sure you don’t miss The Great Giveaway.  You have until Thursday, September 9th at noon to enter.  Good Luck!

Husbandism #23

Monday, August 30th, 2010

David:  “Can you please not eat that granola bar in bed?  The crumbs always get stuck in my back hair.”

Super Duper Important Editor’s Note:  The only way my husband would let me post this husbandism is if I explained in a quite clear and concise manner that he does not, in fact, have a tremendous amount of back hair.  There’s not a forest growing back there.  Or enough to knit his own sweater.  No, David has even less than the normal amount of back hair any normal 30 something would have.

There.  I said it.

Husbandism #22

Tuesday, August 17th, 2010

David:  “I poured chocolate milk over Raisin Bran and fed it to them.  What?  What’s wrong with that?  It’s what they wanted.”

What my husband said when I asked him what he fed the boys for dinner tonight.

Husbandism #21

Wednesday, August 11th, 2010

 David: “Well, that’s why it’s not called Momopolitan.”

What my husband said after I told him no one I know would ever wear the super sparkly leggings the woman in Comopolitan Magazine was modeling.

The One About David Snoring

Monday, August 9th, 2010

I say he snores.

He says he doesn’t.

I say I win.

 p.s.  Sorry for the poor video and sound quality, but when you’re startled awake with snoring at 2:00am, you want to capture the culprit, and all I had was my cell phone.  Turn up the volume on you computer.  Trust me, you’ll hear him.

Husbandism #20

Thursday, July 29th, 2010

David:  “Well, he deserves it.  I mean, he’s wearing a v-neck t-shirt.”

What David said about the latest contestant who was eliminated from So You Think You Can Dance.

Husbandism #19

Tuesday, July 27th, 2010

David:  “Cover me up and you won’t even notice.  Sheets are just like Saran Wrap.”

What my husband said after I told him he was so ripe he needed to take a shower before bed.

Husbandism #18

Wednesday, July 14th, 2010

David:  “That must have been attached to the bone!  Am I bleeding?  I think I need a plasma transfusion!”

My husband’s mild reaction to me pulling a small stray hair from his back.

Husbandism #17

Wednesday, June 2nd, 2010

David:  “We don’t eat our boogers, Reichen.  We wipe them on our shirts.”

My husband teaching our 3 year old his version of proper nose picking procedures.

 

Husbandism #16

Friday, May 7th, 2010

David:  “Oh my gosh, I can’t tell you how happy I am that I found it.  I mean, I was really worried.”

The rush of relief David shared when he discovered his brown belt buried in his closet.  Just the thought of wearing his black belt with his brown shoes and his brown brief case totally freaked him out.  Totally.

Husbandism #14

Wednesday, March 31st, 2010

David:  “Isn’t it weird that you’re closer to 40 than 30?”

The comment my husband made seconds prior to our really long conversation regarding other  inappropriate off the cuff remarks he should never say to his wife, including  isn’t it weird your butt looks big in those jeans; isn’t it weird you’re getting wrinkles on your face, and  isn’t it weird you have gray in your hair.  

Although David hasn’t actually said any of the last three phrases, yet, I thought I would just give him a little heads up.  I mean, I think it’s important  if he wants to stay married and everything.

 

Husbandism #13

Sunday, February 28th, 2010

David:  “I am the poop whisperer.”

My husband bragging about how he was the one who finally got Reichen to poop on the potty.  The trick:  bribery.  David bought our little boy a Lightening McQueen race track set and told him the only way he was going to get it is to go #2 on the toilet.

David Just Knows. And Reichen Does, too.

Sunday, January 31st, 2010

David was out of town the first time he really freaked me out. We had just moved in together after dating about 8 months and while I knew him pretty well, I didn’t know anything about his most intriguing trait. He doesn’t like to talk about it. Even now, he’s wary of me to writing about it. He says if I do, it might go away. But it never does. And we’ve talked about it a lot over the years because he keeps doing it. And now, it appears, my 3 year old does it too.

All I wanted to do when I pulled into our drive way that night nearly a decade ago was eat dinner and go to bed. It had been a long day at work and with David out of town, I wanted it to be over. But when I grabbed my purse and shut the door of my Ford, Explorer, I just stopped and stared. I immediately jumped back in my SUV, locked the doors, and with my heart racing, I dialed David.

I told him something really strange was happening in the house and before I said another word he interrupted, “Every light in the house is on.”

I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. How could he know? He had been out of town two days. I’m the one who turned off the lights and locked the house that morning. Not to mention I never turn on every light in the house.

“How do you know that,” I stammered.

“I just know things,” he said simply.

Since that day, I have heard that phrase more times than I can count. David just knows things. And I’m not sure how he knows them. He just does.

He knows what strangers at the table next to us at are going to order before they do. He knows the exact score of a football, baseball, or basketball game before they’re played. He knows exactly how many pieces of candy are in a bag of m&ms.

David just knows things.

I agree, it sounds odd. It is odd. I wouldn’t believe it myself, if I didn’t witness David doing it day and in and day out over and over and over again through the years.

What’s even more odd: Reichen now knows things, too.

Reichen is passionate about music. When we’re in the car, he begs me to turn on the radio and from my rear view mirror I see my son dancing and singing to the songs. He wants to know the name of every tune and he wants to know who sings it.

I never thought much of it, until the boys and I were driving to get my daily dose of diet vanilla coke a few days ago, that’s when Reichen spouted off One Republic would be the band to play the next song.

“We’ll see,” I said.

My eyes bugged when the band’s latest hit began to blare through my minivan speakers. Reichen jammed a bit before making his next prediction.

“Momma, Fireflies is next,” he smiled.

“All right, Doodle Bug. Let’s listen for it,” I replied.

Good thing we were stopped at Sonic waiting for the drink I ordered, because I was stunned when the top 40 song started playing.

Since that day, Reichen has made other mind boggling predictions, ones impossible for him to predict.

Ever since Reichen was born, he has been the spitting image of his father.  And it’s not just me who says it. Complete strangers stop me on the street, at airports, and restaurants and confirm it.  But it appears he’s inherited more than his father’s looks.

Reichen, just like his dad, now just knows things, too.

ReichenandDavid

Husbandism #12

Monday, January 25th, 2010

David:  “I ate them all.”

What my husband confessed when I asked him where the gummy vitamins went that I just bought for the boys.

Husbandism #11

Tuesday, January 12th, 2010

David:  “I just thought I’d kill two birds with one stone.”

What my husband said when I caught him eating three chicken burritos and taking a bath at the same time.