Archive for the ‘husbandisms’ Category

Husbandism #49

Friday, March 30th, 2012

David:  “I’m not sure I like your new shampoo.  I mean, it smells like what we used to wash our dog with when I was a kid.”

What my husband said last night after smelling my freshly washed hair.

Husbandism #48

Wednesday, February 8th, 2012

David:  “Hey, look what I did to Latham while you were gone!”

What my husband said when I returned from a short bathroom break at Red Lobster.

Husbandism #47

Tuesday, January 31st, 2012

David:  “I’m dying a slow death watching this show.  I mean, I’m clearly losing days off the back end of my life while watching this – I’m sure of it.”

What my husband said after watching The Bachelor with me on Monday night.

Husbandism #46

Sunday, January 29th, 2012

David:  “I wish I could find pitty spray that smells like your arms.  I’m serious.  I think I would be happier if I smelled like that.”

What my husband said after I put on vanilla scented lotion from Bath and Body Works.

Husbandism #45

Monday, January 16th, 2012

David:  “Just so you know, no boy will ever say ‘no’ to that question.”

What my husband replied when I asked him if I could eat his pickle – his dill pickle that was served with his turkey sandwich from the deli.

Husbandism #44

Thursday, January 5th, 2012

David: “Don’t worry, I know what will fix it:  A Subway napkin.  It’s works just like a band-aid.”

What my husband said to my 3 year old after he fell down and bit his tongue.

Husbandism #43

Monday, January 2nd, 2012

David: “Too bad I just clipped my toenails, otherwise I could grab it like a hook and pull it up with those.”

What my husband replied when I asked if he could grab me the magazine at the bottom of our bed.

Husbandism #42

Wednesday, December 14th, 2011

David:  “It’s so nice having her at work.  She’s like my third mom.”

Me:  “That is nice.  Wait… who’s your second mom?”

David:  “You are.”

The true conversation my husband and I had about his administrative assistant.  And no, I do not make this stuff up.  I. Swear.

Husbandism #42

Tuesday, November 22nd, 2011

David:  “If I look that good when I’m 42, I’ll be mowing the grass in a thong – you know what I mean?”

The response my husband gave when I mentioned Jennifer Lopez might be a little old to be wear a nude leotard during her performance at Sunday’s American Music Awards.

Husbandism #41

Sunday, October 16th, 2011

David:  “Because I didn’t know I was going to roll up on Jenny from the Block (Jennifer Lopez) when I walked into the closet.”

What my husband said when I asked why he tried to stifle a giggle when he saw me in this hat.

fall hat

Husbandism #40

Tuesday, August 16th, 2011

David:  “Angry Birds.  I like to play it when I’m crappin’.”

What my husband replied when I asked him why he was taking his phone into the bathroom.

Husbandism #39

Tuesday, July 26th, 2011

David:  “So, I told him I had to throw up.”

What my husband told the driver when he saw this sign posted in his cab.  The driver thought it was so funny that he tried to kick David out of the car.  It was a long drive to the airport.  A. Long. Drive.

Husbandism #38

Thursday, July 21st, 2011

David:   “You know what I did today?”

Me:  “No.  What did you do today?”

David:  “I learned how to do an Anaconda choke on You Tube.”

Me:  “That sounds like a constructive use of your time.”

David:  “I thought so!  So, can I try it on you?”

Me:  “Um, no.  No, you can’t.”

David:  “Oh.  Okay.”

The true conversation between myself and my husband that took place right before bed.  Welcome to my world.

Happy Father’s Day

Sunday, June 19th, 2011

Husbandism #37

Friday, June 17th, 2011

David:  “I love that you’re pretty.  You have the face of an angel…..  until you open your mouth – that’s when all the chaos comes out.”

After sharing this particular husbandism with me, I reminded David he doesn’t have to share every thought that passes through his head.  I mean, he knows I have a blog – right?