Once I clip a coupon, I almost never see it again. I tend to lose the money saving piece of paper in the pit of my purse where other bits of lint, restaurant mints, and gum I’ve wadded in old receipts live. So imagine how proud of myself I was when a few weeks ago, I actually remembered the coupon I clipped, dug it out, and used it to buy a massive bottle lotion. And by massive I mean enormous. It’s actually so big, it could soothe any and all skin issues I, my mom, my neighbor and her 2 teenage daughters have, or will have for the next 3 1/2 years. But I had to buy the big bottle since that’s what the fine print on the coupon stated. If I bought anything smaller, I would not be eligible for the $0.50 savings the paper promised, so against my better judgement I bought it.
I have to tell you, I’m not a big bottle buyer. It’s. So. Not. Me. There’s always a new fragrance or a new formula a magazine beauty editor says I must try and when she does, I want to try it. I don’t want to be smack dab in the middle of a long term relationship with a big bottle. I have, what you might call, commitment issues.
I should have listened to my inner instinct. Now, not only can I not buy the latest and greatest bottle I just read about in this month’s In Style, the big bottle I did buy, is not working out. And I can tell you why in one word: GLITTER! I’m not even kidding. It has GLITTER in it! Lots and lots and lots of GLITTER.
I apologize for yelling, but there is no other way to tell you how much GLITTER there is in this big bottle without shouting it. It’s not a shimmer. It’s not a glow. It’s GLITTER. And GLITTER is everywhere. It’s in my clothes. It’s in my hair. It’s in my car. And, It’s on my kids.
David: “Why is GLITTER all over the boys?”
Me: “It’s my big bottle of body lotion.”
David: “Why did you buy a big bottle of body lotion with GLITTER?”
Me: “I didn’t know about the GLITTER. And, I had a coupon.”
David: “Oh.”
David says, coupon or no coupon, I should break up with the big bottle. And I agree. So here goes…
I’m sorry, big bottle, but our relationship is over. Don’t call me. Don’t text me. And please don’t request to be my friend on Facebook. I just want you to know, big bottle, I really gave it all I could, but we’re just not good together. The GLITTER was just too much. It’s me, big bottle, not you. And I know, in the future, you’ll find someone who loves you, GLITTER and all.
Just not me. Just not now. Just not ever.
Not even with a coupon.
I’m Just Asking Because I’m Jealous
Friday, October 23rd, 2009If I post a picture of myself wearing a pair of pretty shoes, would you take time out of your busy life to fill out your name and e-mail address in the comment section of my blog and tell me how pretty I am? I’m just asking because I’m jealous.
Don’t get me wrong, I really like the blog Cupcakes and Cashmere. I like it so much I’ve listed it in the links I like section of 3 Stinky Boys and Me. I like it so much I look at it practically every day. I like it so much I’ve even left a comment a time or two, not that the blog needs it.
You see, Cupcakes and Cashmere is a blog about fashion and by fashion I mean what the blogger who writes it says is fashionable. For instance, she’ll buy a cute pair of shoes, post a picture of herself wearing the cute pair of shoes with a caption saying something something like ‘Don’t you LOVE my cute pair of shoes?’ and WHAM: 95 people comment on how much they LOVE her cute pair of shoes.
I’m not even kidding. Two days ago, she posted a picture of herself wearing a sweater dress, lace tights, and a pair of high heel shoes and in less than 24 hours, 83 people commented. Here’s a sample:
Lauren: “I love the shoes! You’re so adorable.”
Kate: “These shoes. Amazing. Seriously. You look stunning.”
Meream: “I love how your hair shines. You always look lovely.”
Niki: “I heart those shoes. You are too cute!”
Heidi: “That last photograph of you is my favorite – you’re so lovely. I can’t tell you how much these photographs remind me of Alice in Wonderland. It’s as if you’re her high-fashion cousin. Gorgeous!”
Chessa: “You look amazing. Everything about this look is fabulous just like you!”
I’m so jealous of Cupcakes and Cashmere! From following her blog, I’ve found out not only do huge designers send her free samples of clothing, shoes, and accessories to keep and blog about, she also gets asked to attend amazing fashion events such as New York Fashion Week, and actually makes money writing her blog.
But what I’m really jealous of: those comments! Those comments! Can you imagine how amazing that must feel to open your e-mail every morning and have 95 people tell you how amazingly beautiful you are, how much they admire your style, and how much they want to be just like you?
I’m sure I’ll be even more jealous of Cupcakes and Cashmere after today, because now after reading my blog I know you’re going to visit her blog to check out all the hub-bub and once you do, I’m sure you’ll leave a comment because that’s the kind of magic cough syrup she serves over there and I swear, if I see one comment from any of my 2 loyal 3 Stinky Boys and Me commenters- one of which is my mom – you 2 are going to be in BIG trouble. BIG!
Don’t make me more jealous than I already am. Don’t do it. I’ll be watching you. I’ll be watching.
P.S. If you think this post is a pathetic plea for comments, you’re right. It is.
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