I don’t dream much. At least, I don’t remember if I do but sometimes, I do remember and wish I didn’t.
When I was a girl, I had a dream my grandmother died. I’m not sure how old I was, but I do know it was soon after my parents gathered me and my brothers for a family meeting. I sat in my dad’s lap on the avocado green carpet and my brothers squirmed on the tattered, brown sofa next to my mom and they told us; They told us they were getting a divorce. I was 8 years old.
I woke up sobbing from that dream. I just knew my grandma, the woman I loved so much, was gone. With tears still streaming, I tiptoed out of my room, down the hall, and reached for the rotary phone.
“Yell – Low?” I was never so relieved to hear my grandma’s goofy greeting.
“Grandma?” I whispered still trying to stifle my sobs.
“Tasha, are you crying?” She said alarmed. “What’s wrong?”
“I had a dream you died.” I said sobbing uncontrollably again. “I just want to make sure you’re all right.”
“I’m all right.” She softly assured me. “I plan to live a long, long, long time. I’m going to live so long,” she continued, “that I even plan on meeting your children.”
“You do?” I sniffed.
“I do.” She confirmed.
“Okay, grandma.” I was convinced. “I love you.”
My mom has no idea I dialed her mother that night, or maybe she does. I don’t know. What I do know: I’ve made several versions of the same call to my grandma throughout my life. Her passing is a reoccurring dream for me – a dream I can’t wake up from any more.
My grandmother is dying. It’s not a dream. It’s a reality.
My mom called today and told me to come home. I know my grandma is sick, but I hoped she would make it until Christmas since that’s when my husband, toddlers and I planned on taking the 3 hour plane ride home to see her. My mom said after this weekend, she thinks I should bring my family now.
I’ve got to make it home for her to meet Latham. She told me when I was a little girl she would meet my children and she hasn’t met him yet.
I just keep thinking I’m going to wake up any minute from this bad dream. I do every time and every time, she tells me she’s all right.
Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!